11/04/2008 Death by Democracy When I was voting today I was reminded of an old joke. Goes something like this... Three missionaries get caught by cannibals, and the cannibals throw them in a bamboo jail. The chief pulls one of them out of the bamboo jail and says, "You have two choice...death or bunga bunga." The missionary thinks to himself, "I don't want to die...", so he says, "I'll take bunga bunga." The chief says, "Ugh. Bunga bunga." The cannibals all start jumping up and down, grunting, "Bunga bunga! Bunga bunga!" Then they pull down his pants, bend him over a log, and they all rape him in the ass. They drag out the next missionary, and the chief says, "You have two choice...death or bunga bunga." The missionary looks back at the first guy, who's in really bad shape, but he doesn''t want to die, so he says, "I'll take bunga bunga." The chief says, "Ugh. Bunga bunga." The cannibals all start jumping up and down, grunting, "Bunga bunga! Bunga bunga!" Then they pull down his pants, bend him over a log, and they all rape him in the ass. And it's a lot worse for him, because of course it takes the cannibals alot longer the second time. Then they pull out the third missionary. The chief says, "You have two choice...death or bunga bunga." The third missionary sees the other two guys in total agony, and says, "I couldn't handle that. I'll take death." The chief says, "Ugh. Death by bunga bunga." Either way you vote, your ass is still going to hurt. 10/26/2008 Trick or Treat? I missed my friggin' deadline last week. So to make up for it, I posted an extra this week. Not sure if it'll make up for it or make you want to call the authorities and me arrested for bad taste. Enjoy, Meatlings. 05/14/2008 I'll Be Back... I'll be on vacation 'til sometime next week. Be back soon, meatlings... 05/26/2008 Back 'n Black! Not really, but I'm back from vacation. So spread the word. 03/13/2008 To Hit an Armor Class of 0... Better late then never. Last week the creator of half my childhood and once a month on Sundays passed away far before his time. Gary Gygax co-created Dungeons and Dragons and gave me another outlet for my artist ADD. My whole life, my mind has been racing with ideas. It's like having a power surge and not enough places to plug in. Worlds to explore and characters to create, this game gave/gives me a hell of lot. I never got into sports, my social skills are sad, but I roll a mean 20 sider. Thank you Gary. 12/28/2007 God damn I hate earning a living... My schedule's been hectic, so I'm putting out a couple of toons I had taking up space in my sketch book. I hope you find them as awful as I did. 10/15/2007 Vacation... Hey fleshlings, it may be a couple of days 'til I post again. Just got a new computer and need to reinstall everything. Hang in there, you'll get your fix. 04/01/2007 April Fools! God even drawing this thing made my skin crawl... 04/15/2007 200 Today's is my offical ('cause I never count the holiday ones) 200th strip. I'm so pleased with myself I'm gonna drink beer! 03/21/2007 Time?! What Time?! Just keeping you all updated. Schedules off again today (for me) so I'll post tomorrow. I figured it's been a while since I left anything in here, so I'll drop a reminder: I post 3 days a week. I wish I could set a regular day and time but since I have to work for a living (damnit) well I do it when I can. Anyway, thanks for reading my latest cracked-out story line. Stick with it, the pains almost over soon... 12/19/2006 Happy Birthday Ma! On this date 50 years ago, dinosaurs danced to disco, discovered electricity, and the woman who was to spawn this world's greatest conqueror(and believe me I'm working on it)was born. I wasn't born with much, but at least I had her. She is by far one of the only people on the planet I've ever been able to count on for anything and I pray that I'll be able to for another 50. Love you Mom. 11/02/2006 Happy Birthday Big Ragu! Happiness of birth dates and what not. There I go getting sentimental again... 11/11/2006 AARRGGH Yeah, so appearently my e-mail provider in all this doesn't exist anymore? So if you feel like writing me you can try d@freerangecomics.com or freeran1@freerangecomics.com Both SHOULD work but who the hell knows. otherwise dakallberg@yahoo.com 11/21/2006 Yah, the Good Times Roll Dropping the toon early because I'll be out of town for a couple of days. Enjoy. 11/24/2006 Good Freaking God! I go to my local big name retail store. All I want is a tire gauge. I have to swim through a sea of mindless shopping drones to get there! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Why is it that when the "shopping season" hits every asshole on the planet crawls out the woodwork. You know what I want for Christmas? A gun. That big-ass one from Commando, chain driven, so I can re-create that awesome scene in Blackhawk Down but instead of Somalis getting mowed down it those fat-ass housewives playing tug-a-war for that Tickle-My-Ass-Elmo that little Jimmy just has to have. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol? 10/01/2006 As time goes by... This goes out to all those of you who bless me by continuing reading and those that ,hopefully, will one day come. This has been unequivocally the worst year of my life. If someone were to tell me that this week, the week of my wedding anniversary, that I would (hopefully) be finalizing my divorce, I would have told to fornicate yourself. Personally, I've never known suffering like that, I'd say "this" but I do feel marginally better. It's sort like having a loved one die, but without the benefit of being able to enjoy the good memories. Instead, you have to force yourself to remember why this happening, and painfully relive all those awful moments in order to push forward. As much as you wish time would stop, it doesn't. There those I know that tell me it's for the best, that now I can go out and find a woman better suited for me. I have hard time believing that. Oh, I might make jokes and light of the situation, but the truth, the real truth is that I live every day in stark fear of this impending day. Not just of being screwed out more money and time, I'm used to that, but of having it be over. Change scares me. There few instances in life that change has turned out to be anything good. Being alone, in bed, at night and in my heart, my romantic heart, is a horrible change for me. So if I miss a day or the strips themselves aren't as good as either of us would like, please stick around. I promise to stay here, as long as you want to read. Being here, in the Box, we aren't alone are we? Thank you for reading, my Fleshlings. 06/14/2006 Yes, I know I'm Late Didn't have internet for a bit there. I'll catch you all up to speed. I promise. 06/15/2006 Filling in the blanks... So to make up for not posting in so long, I'll be posting in the missing days. These ones are just some one-panel-wonders (now copy-writed!). More to come! 06/28/2006 Not Bad... Today's toon is in honor of the new Superman flick. It was far better than I expected. The only spoiler I'll give is... it didn't suck. I don't know, I got nothing. I'll finish up the storyline this week. 05/21/2006 Hoody Frickin' Hoo Back in business folks! 05/24/2006 Cheap-o! So here I am stuck for ideas (no that's not why its taken so long to get here) and it came to me! The cheapest story line ever. I call it "Back in Black". Enjoy. *suckers* 05/30/2006 More coming... I promise. I can't make today but tomorrow I'll post today's and the current to make for it. 04/02/2006 Goodbyes Tuesday, I had to say goodbye to my little nemesis and friend. It was very sudden and left me wishing I had spent more time with him. I know, I know. Sappy and sentimental don't always sell in a comedy strip about "Toys Behaving Badly" (hence forth copy righted, bitches!), but it felt right to do after I'd used him as the butt of my jokes. Until we meet again, lil' buddy. 04/19/2006 Being Homeless Sucks. Well, for argument's sake, I do have a roof over my head. Anyway, do to some unfortunate events in my life, I'm gonna have to take a small sabbatical for the comics. I'll get back to them ASAP I promise, but I have to do some serious rearranging in my life. Pray for me. 03/03/2006 Giving Back Today cartoon was an experiment. I work at an art center and was really bored, so I decided to have one of my artists write the toon you see before you. I thought it was funny. Anyway, thanks for doing my work for me Paul. 12/21/2005 Thank God They're Almost Over... Now that the "Holidays" are almost over, I can get back to being miserable for other reasons! Yeah! I swear if I have to hear one more shitty pop star butcher another Christmas classic, I'm flying out to Hollywood to personally strangle the Christmas cheer right out of them. Here's a thought: if you hit the note, stick to it. Nobody wants to hear you show off and it only makes you sound like you're trying to sing through an epileptic fit. Anyway... I've posted all this week's toons for obvious reasons, MY convenience. Later folks, I've got some rum soaked egg nog to hit without the egg nog. 11/01/2005 Introductions be Damned! Now that you've read that somewhat lackluster welcome note, here's a less than adequate introduction! Not that this strip truely needs an introduction, being that if you continue to read it on a regular basis it's pretty selfexplanitory. They're toys, they behave in a sometimes funny, sometimes just down-right awful. She's a girl and we watch her suffer with having to baby sit them until they destroy the world. These jokes can be funny, akward, weird, and terrible, a by-product of a deranged mind. Why make a web comic when there are literally thousands upon thousands out there to chose from and most of you have chosen your favorites? I don't really have an answer for you, but you could do a lot worse. Every strip I've written has at least made me laugh and if I've gotten a chuckle out of it perhaps you will too. If you don't, READ IT ANYWAY! C'mon, would it kill you to go one measly little site day after day? No!! Well, screw you! What? No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it... Wait come back! Damnit. I Love you Kim. 11/02/2005 I Got Mail I now have an e-mail addy that you can send comments or questions to d@freerangecomics.com I promise I'll try to get to those that write, but keep in mind I can't always get back to you. And as long as I'm thinking about it, this site was made by a great gal and if you want a site like mine or any site at all go to her! RachaelMalberg@mchsi.com 'Til next time kiddies... Oh and Happy Birthday Big Ragu! 11/14/2005 Let's Make a Deal! Hello again my little flesh puppets and meatlings! So here's the plan: Once I've established myself as a comic strip icon (which of course you make possible through your support), that's when I start handing out the Kool-aid. What? No good? Ok then, let's just spread the word of great this strip is. If you like it and you should, tell a couple of friends. Eventually we'll have world dominance or at least a popular strip. I may do all the work, but you'll be a part of something greater... making me famous or just keep Pandora's Box ongoing. 'Til next time kiddies... 11/21/2005 Please, Shoot Me. Sweet Christ I hate the Holidays. Anyway that being said, this week's series of toons will be posted early so's I don't have to have deal with that on top of all the other crap that will be heading my way. Happy Freakin' Thanksgiving. 10/26/2005 We're All Mad Down Here... I bid you welcome. Please feel free to wander the grounds, but I must warn you...there things here you might find horribly humorous and pleasingly disturbing. Welcome to Free Range! Today is November 20, 2008

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